[TML] Amber Zone: Wet Goods, Dry Goods

[Richard Aiken]

On Nov 1, 2007 5:18 PM, Ewan Quibell <ewan at quibell.org.uk> wrote:
> Quickly followed by the bubblegum, perky, drop dead gorgeous, all
> American Cheer leader, who comes out with witty and poinient one liners?
>
> Or are you thinking more of the fast running, bite your head off don't
> stop until they starve, kill your mate in twenty seconds if he gets
> infected types? because you would need a different bubblegum, perky,
> drop dead gorgeous, all American Cheer leader to deal with them ;-)

In this same vein . . . (couldn't resist)

Anyone else see "30 Days of Night" yet?  Just about the lamest vampire
movie ever.

SPOILER SPACE

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It, too, has the Instant Vampire ("Just add blood and presto!") bit.
If vampirism were this easy to catch and vampires really existed,
there wouldn't be any humans left in the world.

Of course, it doesn't help that - courtesy of reading a lot of SF - I
know the sun doesn't work like it's supposed to in this movie.  The
character's spend a month waiting for the sun to come back and save
them, right?  WHY?  When it does come back, it's only going to peek
over the horizon for a FEW MINUTES.  All the vampires have to do is
DUCK.

Plus, the set up was flat impossible.  Follow: ~200 people leave town
(to avoid going crazy from the VERY long night, apparently).  ~150 of
their relatives and closest friends stay behind.  The vampires's
Renfield takes out the long-distance comms.  So far, so good.

But . . .  this isn't the Wild West or a lonely colony planet.  How
long would it really be before someone - state cops, National Gaurd,
Air Force, SOMEONE - flew in to see why *nobody* could get through to
*anyone* in the entire town?  How likely is it that NOBODY in this
routinely-totally-isolated town had a ham radio transmitter?

Oh yeah.  And so it's three weeks in and the vampires are getting a
tad peckish.  So they send a crying young girl down the street as bait
for surviving hideouts.  Our Heros are peering out of hiding,
agonizing over her fate but not about to go out there, since they can
see the vampires hovering about on the neighboring rooftops.

Say WHAT?  WHERE are they getting enough light to see the vampires?  I
really, really doubt that even the brightest moonlight would let
someone pick out a black-clothed vampire against an (at best) starlit
night sky.  So why was the scene brightly lit?  Answer: So the
audience could easily follow what was happening.

And the hideouts were constantly seen peeking out through hole peeled
in the craftpaper with which they had covered their single window . .
. WITHOUT first turning down/blowing out their Coleman lantern!  They
might as well have been shouting: "Hey!  Fresh blood here!  Come and
get it!"  Not to mention that craft paper wouldn't block all the
light, anyway . . .

Didn't the moronic writers of this movie ever see or even just hear of
"Pitch Black?"  Here they have the perfect opportunity to do
not-really-a-remake on good, ole 21st-century Earth and they give us
this garbage.  <shrug>  Maybe they were worried about plagarism
charges.

Pathetic.


-- 
Richard Aiken

"Never insult anyone by accident."  Robert A. Heinlein